hahaha looovve my mom, she rocks

December 24th...1:39 a.m., my 20th birthday.

I wasn't expecting 20 to feel so old. I mean i know im not old but its just a little shocking..to be "in" my twenties. Growing up i suppose.

My friends are having a brunch for me tomorrow at 10:30, then I'm singing at christmas eve mass tomorrow night at St.Edwards,then going out to dinner with my parents on the lake. I love round lake on christmas eve. The streets are all lined with paper lanterns and the victorian houses have lights (the big fat old fashioned ones) that line the edges of their peaks and towers making them look like gingerbread houses. The farm on Market has a live nativity in the barn with the animals and whole nine yards. It's what christmas is to me. Also what my birthday is to me. Its hard to explain why i love these two occasions being intertwined but i do. I cant tell you why..i just do.

thinking a lot about the new school lately. Reading through my journal and so on. It always helps me to focus and put my thoughts in place. what a fucking amazing experience, something that i will never forget and always feel passionately about. I want those arms again. i want those 18 pairs of arms surrounding me, supporting me, keeping me from melting on that studio floor. sometimes if i close my eyes and breathe with enough intent, i can feel them...:-)